I always start these diary entries in the same way and I’m gosh darned bored of it. So here’s my newest introductory paragraph:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
WHAOAOAKAKAKAKAKKAASDHOFUOEZZZZPPO
-KWIP!
See that^^^^? 100% Original. OG literature. Mark Twain said there is no such thing as a new idea. Well, I just proved him wrong. You’re full of shit, Twain.
What’s that? Joyce already did it?
Kerouac too?
Fuck’s sake. Fine. Whatever.
ANYWAY Continue reading
It’s Saturday afternoon and I wake up in a bed that’s not mine. We smoke something together and watch some television before I leave but that’s a bad idea, always is, because if I smoke in the morning I’m in a haze for the whole day and don’t accomplish much, and I wanted to write today but it doesn’t matter anymore, it’s a lazy afternoon and I’m sleepy and smiling as I drift back to my place. Continue reading
Hello again, you lovely thing.
Excellent news! I’m at 21,000 words in my book at the moment, which is just shy of 90 pages. By the time I’m finished I predict it’ll be near the 30,000 mark. It wasn’t supposed to be that long, but I’m simply having too much fun to cut the story short.
Below are 1,500 words or so that I wrote over the last day. As a quick recap: the king and his trio of companions are en route to rescue the kidnapped queen, Astra. The characters have overcome many obstacles, but are not without a few scars: the king is missing a hand, and Edgar has been turned into a panda. Yes, yes, it’s very silly, because silly is wonderful. Best if you temporarily switch off that grouchy part of your brain labelled ‘depressing adult cynicism’.
We join our bold quartet as they approach the last great danger of their journey: crossing the Sea of Pìss (pronounced peace). Enjoy. Or don’t. I don’t care. I love this shit! Continue reading
Before you say anything, shut up. Yeah, it’s probably a cliché for an aspiring writer who drinks too much to begin boxing classes, but I do not care, because clichés are the fabrication of no-good arse-clappers who are afraid of actually doing anything for fear of looking silly. Do whatever the hell you want. It doesn’t matter if someone did it before you; you are you. Just enjoy your life. Continue reading
Nothin’ special, novel or urgent; I feel good so I started writing because I wanted to see what would come out, and hey, here you go…
***** Continue reading
Hey, some new cool stuff has gone down in Berlin, and you can read it! Or not, I dunno. Do what you want! You’re free!
Also – I’ve changed the names in this article because, you know, privacy and stuff. I will take on an alias also, because: drugs. Let’s call me, oh I don’t know, Anubis. Yeah. Nice.
***** Continue reading
Hello lovely. How the devil are you? No wait, hush, don’t answer, there’s no time for your yawnsome yarn-spinning. There is a more pressing matter at hand: my own yawnsome yarn-spinning! Huzzah! Continue reading
Right, I’m going to chuck a few ideas out there because I’ve been thinking about the state of the USA and the UK for a while now and there is something that nobody is saying and it fries my mind.
Here it is: patriotism is for fucking half wits. Continue reading
Oi, you. Yeah you. You with the nose. Stop what you’re doing right now. Stop it. Put down whatever you’re holding and back away from it, unless all you are holding is your mobile phone or laptop, in which case absolutely do not put it down and back away; instead widen your eyes and press your nose up against the screen, because I have something truly wonderful to show you, you lucky sod.
I’ve written some 6,000 words of my novella, which should be near enough 20,000 when I finish it in around six weeks. That’s right – I am almost a third of the way through. You know why? Because I am just bloody marvellous. No, it’s no use arguing. Hush. I am a marvel.
Because I have not posted anything on here for a little while, and I hate seeing my beloved blog sit empty, I’ve decided to publish the first 1000 words or so. It’s a work in progress, ‘aiight? So if you read it and think it’s about as witty and interesting as a steaming keg of ox vomit, I’d like to offer you a preemptive ‘fuck off’.
Enjoy! Continue reading
