London | Wank!

2021 ragged me about. I mean, it ragged everybody about so I should probably have a sense of perspective and be like ‘others had it worse, I am grateful for what I have’, but I’m nowhere near wise enough for that and I like to complain, so…

Garbage year!

I’ve spent most of my time this year trying to make friends. That’s been the theme. You could probably make quite a funny montage out of it, if you condensed my all efforts down to a minute: Me, in a cocktail bar, gradually realising the girl I am talking to is a tremendous racist. Me, bored on a Wednesday night, sending ‘u up’ texts to baffled straight men who leave me on read. Me, being shooed away after attempting to befriend an elderly Jamaican man in a nightclub smoking area. Me, surrounded by Christians attempting to convert me because I went along to a carol singing event for the free mulled wine. Me, standing on stage in a theatre, reading a fucking script, because I misread the advert for what I thought was a writing class. Me, attending my fifteenth piano lesson, after booking the course while pissed and being too embarrassed to cancel.

Nobody can accuse me of not trying. You could accuse me of loads of other things of course – like being a slapdash bipolar windbag pisshead – but you’d have to admit, I don’t sit about. I do shit. It’s just that in 2021 none of the shit I do was successful. Which sucks big ass.

I’m finishing the year feeling proud though. Taken as a whole, 2021 was probably the worst year of my life, and I got through it without doing anything mad like when that Kony 2012 guy took all his clothes off and wanked in the street.

I did do a Britney and shave my head at one point, to be fair.

I’m going into 2022 feeling pretty good. Even though it was a *Garbage Year*, it wasn’t useless. It’s like when you do shrooms and have a bad trip – it’s still a useful experience. It’s all a chance to learn.

I’ve learned a load of stuff this year which I won’t detail for fear of boring you, but I’m hoping that the lessons hard-learned over the last twelve months will help me to become a better and more rounded person in the years to come.

Well – actually no. ‘Hope’ implies it’s out of my hands. It isn’t. It’s entirely down to me – and I’m going to do it, and keep doing it, for the rest of my life. That’s what life’s about, isn’t it: the journey to become the best version of yourself. And he’s in there, waiting for me. I can feel him.

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