Slayin’ Pitches

I have just sent out my very first book pitch to a reputable book publishers, PENGUIN BOOK PEDDLERS.


Dear Penguin Publishing,

Hello you, my name is Daniel Greg Hackett and I am a great deal of years old and have an idea for a book which I think will be right proper good and Moste Impressive to thee and thine.

It goes like this right: there is a man, a little man, and his name is Froyo. And through his friend, a big old man named Grundolf, he happens upon an enchanted ring – nay, perhaps it is a bangle? Yes, a bangle sounds better. And Foryo and Gondrulf must take this bangle to be destroyed, in the shadowlands of Romrod.

There could also be some elves, if you like. Some people have to die, obviously. Probably Goorndluf, maybe he can fall into a big big hole that keeps going forever? Might help me hit the word count if I just describe the varying stages of the hole for a few chapters while he falls.

ASIDE: What do you reckon would happen if you just fell forever? Would you starve to death, or would you suffocate? Would your bones just fall apart after a while, or would you adapt and just get bored? Has anyone ever tried this? Email in if you have. The number is 01974 572 573.

I reckon that also in the book there is time for some dwarves, or possibly midgets if dwarves are too common these days.  There should also be a damaged yet bright boy wizard, Henrik, and his two ginger friends Roony and Haroony. There can be an owl if you absolutely want one but I’m warning you right now I hate owls and if you try to have an owl in my story you will have to fight me tooth and fucking nail and I will take you to the CLEANERS.

Anyway I have been thinking about a name for this story, and so far I am torn between BLADE RUNNER and KING OF THE BANGLES. I do not yet have a king character in the plot, but this I will leave for you to figure out. You can shove one in somewhere, I honestly couldn’t care less, haha!

Forever yours,

Daneil

 

P.S. there are no women in the book; I do not trust them.


 

Fingers crossed!

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