“I think I’ve adapted to the roadie life, you know. Like my body has adjusted to just not really sleeping and being drunk all the time and eating crap. I feel like I could just keep going at this point.”
“I’ve got, like, three brain cells left, boys. And they’re all dancing a jig.”
“Yeah. I think that’s why I feel so happy.”
Continue reading“Hey you wanna see my party trick boys?”
“Mate, no, I’ve seen your party trick a hundred times-”
“Noooo wait, this is different, watch.”
“… Please take those off your head and get down from there.”
Continue reading“GOOD MORNING BRISTOOOOOL!”
“Whoa whoa whoa. Less of that.”
“What? This city loves me.”
“This is England! You can’t do that here. There are rules, you Yankee Doodle dickhead.”
“Did you… did you just call me a Yankee Doodle dickhead?”
“…yes.”
“Oh my god dude, I love that.”
Continue reading“Okay, look at me? Let me see your face.”
“Dude, you don’t know my face by now?”
“Not off by heart, no. Let me see your side profile. I want to get the proportions of your nose right.”
“You know my nose. You called it a Disney nose.”
“Yeah but I need to be certain of whether it tips up at the end or levels out.”
“Tips up? Like a snout? Are you kidding?”
“More like a ski jump. In a nice way. I have a ski jump nose too. They’re the gold standard for noses.”
Continue reading“There was this story I used to like when I was a kid in Cali. There’s a boy, and his best friend is a tree.”
“Weird.”
“Shut up. And every time the boy needs something, the tree gives him it. Like when the boy needs to eat, the tree gives him fruit. Then when he needs to build a house, the tree gives him branches for wood.”
“Charitable tree.”
“And then by the of the book, the boy is an old man, and the tree has been all used up by the boy, so all that’s left is a stump. And the boy asks the tree for somewhere to sit, and the tree says ‘you can sit on me’. And he does.”
“Huh. Unsure how I feel about that one.”
“Right? When I was a kid I loved that story. I thought ‘aw, what a beautiful kind tree’. I thought the story was all about giving everything you can to help others. Then I got older and I realised the kid’s an asshole.”
“I don’t really understand what the story is meant to represent. Like maybe the tree is a parent and the kid is their child. Or maybe the tree is a good friend and the kid is a bad friend. Or maybe they’re both bad friends, in their own way.”
“I think the core of it is that real friends should help each other grow.”
“Yeah. I think you’ve got it.”
Continue readingFrance’s version of the Job Centre is called Pôle Emploi. It’s pronounced ‘poll ump-LAH’, or something like that. It seems to change every time a French person says it. It certainly changes every time I say it.
Continue readingWhat’s the most elegant place you’ve ever had a panic attack?
Continue readingJeanne and I are now fully moved into our new apartment; from here on out we are happy residents of Bitch Street, Strasbourg.
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This weekend just gone, Jeanne and I took a train and went to visit some very good friends in the south of France. God I’m so proud of that sentence. Aren’t I classy these days?
Continue readingWell, it seems I left my last blog post on a bit of a cliff-hanger by accident. Did I get diagnosed with COVID-19?
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