you try to act like you dont care, but then you realise that while youre acting, theyre not – they just genuinely dont feel the same way. then you panic and beg and plead, and it pushes them further away.
they dont say it, but you see it in their eyes that they are repulsed by how pathetic you are. so you get nasty, because you want to hurt them like theyre hurting you, but you realise that nobody ever won a girl back by hurting them.
so you try to be noble, and say okay i accept it, and you expect to see a flicker of self doubt in their eyes, like you had called their bluff, but theres nothing – you say you accept it and they just look at you gently and say thank you. then you get angry again – because how could they do that to you? how could they care so little after everything youve been through together? how can they just fucking throw it all away?
then you apologise, you realise youre losing them again in your anger. you calm down, try to be rational, try to talk about happy memories with them, thinking maybe if you can laugh together they will remember how they feel. you spend 20 minutes smiling together talking about the good times, but then they say they need to go and they wish you all the best – and you flip out, and you say how the hell can you talk like that and not want to fight for us? where is your heart?
and they just look at you, and youre humiliated, you melt in front of them, you completely crumble and they stay strong, you are snivelling on the ground and they are just stood up looking down on you with mild pity, but they dont kneel down to help you up, they just leave you there. you cant beg, swear, scream, promise, fight, change, anything.
theres nothing you can do, and even as they walk away you call after them in desperation that they might remember who you are, who they are, who you were together, but they just walk away, and dont even look back.
One thought on “Dumped”
This hits too close to home.