Well, after spending much of December chortling at all my friends getting struck down and locked away with Covid, I got struck down and locked away with Covid. I developed a cough on the 2nd of January, and tested myself on the 3rd. Within seconds the latty flow showed up an absolute wedge of a positive line, and I was very cross and upset.
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London | Wank!
2021 ragged me about. I mean, it ragged everybody about so I should probably have a sense of perspective and be like ‘others had it worse, I am grateful for what I have’, but I’m nowhere near wise enough for that and I like to complain, so…
Garbage year!
Continue readingOn Tour with AK: Part 10 (The End)
“I think I’ve adapted to the roadie life, you know. Like my body has adjusted to just not really sleeping and being drunk all the time and eating crap. I feel like I could just keep going at this point.”
“I’ve got, like, three brain cells left, boys. And they’re all dancing a jig.”
“Yeah. I think that’s why I feel so happy.”
Continue readingOn Tour with AK: Part 5
“How much longer?”
“Not much further now. Hang in there.”
“Mate, I don’t think I can.”
“Come on boys, it’s just up ahead.”
“But we’re not getting any closer. We’ve been walking for hours and it’s not getting any nearer. I can’t help but wonder: could we have died? Maybe on the train yesterday? What if it crashed, and this is purgatory – just us here, with Budgens on the horizon, forever and ever and ever.”
“No dingus, we haven’t died.”
“But it’s getting further away with each step we take. I’m freaking out. I’m freaking out.”
“Look, it’s fine, we’ll be there in about ten sec-”
“HHHHAAAAAAUUUUUAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!”
Continue readingOn Tour with AK: Part 2
“Okay okay okay. Let’s try again. You sing the high notes, and I’ll sing the low.”
“Wait I thought you were the high notes.”
“That’s what I just said dude. I sing the high ones, and you take Mark’s part.”
“Oh right. Yeah that makes sense.”
“Okay. Here we go.”
“Fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer.”
“Place your hand in mine, I’ll leave when I wanna.”
“No wait, you just sang the same notes I did. We’re meant to be harmonising.”
“Okay. Yes. Got it. So who does the high notes again?”
“Dude.”
Continue readingLondon | Circuits
London, I’m learning, isn’t any one thing. Other cities I’ve lived in have been mostly one thing. Berlin: dark artsy Neverland. Sheffield: grungy student paradise. Melbourne: affluent hipster metropolis.
Continue readingLondon | Simba
My little brother has been helping me a lot recently. Dealing with the break up, plus starting a new job, settling into a new city, and adjusting to the unavoidable loneliness of London, there’s been a lot to think about, and at times… (deep breath; understatement of the fucking century incoming) I’ve struggled.
Continue readingLondon | One Million Hamsters
On my first weekend in London I went to Alexandra Palace. This was with Sam, his girlfriend Christie, and Sam’s flatmate Lydia. The four of us piled into one of those cars you can hire for something like £7 an hour. It was a one-hour drive through central London, and Sam got all flustered driving while the rest of us talked and drank pink gin and tonics out of little cans.
Continue readingLondon | Lord of the Rats
Because I’ve been trying to be proactive and find friends and happiness and whatnot recently, I decided to do some volunteering in London.
Continue readingLondon | St. Reatham
I’m growing fond of Streatham Hill. It’s a buzzword for ‘shit’ around much of London, which I quite like. I ask somebody at a party where they live and they say ‘Pimlico’ or ‘Balham’ or whatever, and I say ‘nice’, and then they ask me where I live and I say Streatham and they say ‘oo’—the same sort of ‘oo’ noise people make when a footballer on the telly trips up and his shin bones burst through his calves.
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