Because I don’t have any better ideas, I’ll begin by describing the room I am in. It is a bedroom. It is a bedroom in my mum and stepdad’s house, in Bardsey, in Leeds, in Yorkshire, in England. It wasn’t always mine, this room: it used to be Charlie’s, back when he was finishing Sixth Form and I was away gallivanting. For many years, I had no permanent room in this house. That’s changed now: this room is largely considered to be “Dan’s’ room”, because for the last year or so I’ve been living in it. Nice to have a room.
Continue readinglondon
At Home | More Scheming, Less Steaming
You wouldn’t know it – I mean, how could you know it – but I write these diaries all the time. I just never publish them. What usually happens is that I begin doing some other thing, like working or reading a book, and at that instant I am struck by inspiration, and I throw everything aside and sit down and hammer out 2000 words in an insane blur that I barely even remember. Then I sit back and crack my knuckles and read what I’ve written, and while I read my jaw gently slackens, until finally I think ‘nobody must ever discover how shit a writer I am, how inane, how poundingly mediocre my thoughts are’ and I delete them all in an orgasm of self-loathing.
Continue readingPost-London Planning
It’s eleven months since I first moved to London – and now I have left London.
Continue readingLondon | Rapunzel
Well, after spending much of December chortling at all my friends getting struck down and locked away with Covid, I got struck down and locked away with Covid. I developed a cough on the 2nd of January, and tested myself on the 3rd. Within seconds the latty flow showed up an absolute wedge of a positive line, and I was very cross and upset.
Continue readingLondon | Wank!
2021 ragged me about. I mean, it ragged everybody about so I should probably have a sense of perspective and be like ‘others had it worse, I am grateful for what I have’, but I’m nowhere near wise enough for that and I like to complain, so…
Garbage year!
Continue readingOn Tour with AK: Part 10 (The End)
“I think I’ve adapted to the roadie life, you know. Like my body has adjusted to just not really sleeping and being drunk all the time and eating crap. I feel like I could just keep going at this point.”
“I’ve got, like, three brain cells left, boys. And they’re all dancing a jig.”
“Yeah. I think that’s why I feel so happy.”
Continue readingOn Tour with AK: Part 5
“How much longer?”
“Not much further now. Hang in there.”
“Mate, I don’t think I can.”
“Come on boys, it’s just up ahead.”
“But we’re not getting any closer. We’ve been walking for hours and it’s not getting any nearer. I can’t help but wonder: could we have died? Maybe on the train yesterday? What if it crashed, and this is purgatory – just us here, with Budgens on the horizon, forever and ever and ever.”
“No dingus, we haven’t died.”
“But it’s getting further away with each step we take. I’m freaking out. I’m freaking out.”
“Look, it’s fine, we’ll be there in about ten sec-”
“HHHHAAAAAAUUUUUAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!”
Continue readingOn Tour with AK: Part 2
“Okay okay okay. Let’s try again. You sing the high notes, and I’ll sing the low.”
“Wait I thought you were the high notes.”
“That’s what I just said dude. I sing the high ones, and you take Mark’s part.”
“Oh right. Yeah that makes sense.”
“Okay. Here we go.”
“Fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer.”
“Place your hand in mine, I’ll leave when I wanna.”
“No wait, you just sang the same notes I did. We’re meant to be harmonising.”
“Okay. Yes. Got it. So who does the high notes again?”
“Dude.”
Continue readingLondon | Circuits
London, I’m learning, isn’t any one thing. Other cities I’ve lived in have been mostly one thing. Berlin: dark artsy Neverland. Sheffield: grungy student paradise. Melbourne: affluent hipster metropolis.
Continue readingLondon | Simba
My little brother has been helping me a lot recently. Dealing with the break up, plus starting a new job, settling into a new city, and adjusting to the unavoidable loneliness of London, there’s been a lot to think about, and at times… (deep breath; understatement of the fucking century incoming) I’ve struggled.
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