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What the Dream Costs

/ Dan Hackett / Leave a comment

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A few months ago I wrote an article called something like ‘“I can’t afford to travel” Shut up. Yes you can’. It was, as the name suggests, a tongue in cheek little post about how if you really want it, you can always scrape the money together to get yourself out into the world. Well, that was months ago, and since then I’ve discovered whole new depths of scrimping and saving to travel. I got dressed for work today, and was busy rummaging through my wardrobe for something that wasn’t either decrepit beyond salvaging, grossly miss-sized, or simply in spectacularly bad taste. As I rifled, I realised just how bad my clothes have got, in the wake of all my scrounging. Can’t afford nice clothes. Must travel. Continue reading →

Lost in New York

/ Dan Hackett / Leave a comment

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Travelling alone tests you. It’s shit at the time, obviously, but when you look back on it, wrapped in the warm blanket of hindsight, it’s a beautiful thing.

I was in New York in August, 2014, at the end of the best three months of my life. During those three wild months I had visited Vietnam, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, and had travelled the whole width of the USA. New York was the end of the line, and I was due to fly home in a couple of days. I was the most tanned I’ve ever been, my hair was long and curly and bleached by the sun, and I was horribly unfit after months of partying and boozy adventures around the world.

I realise I could have lied to you then, and made myself sound more charming, but… meh. Continue reading →

People I’ve Met: Nando

/ Dan Hackett / Leave a comment

I’ve decided to begin a new series, focusing on cool people I’ve met while travelling. It doesn’t matter where you go, how beautiful the beaches are, how cheap the beer is, or how golden the sunsets, if you’re in bad company, you’ll have a bad time. The people you meet out in the world are crucial to everything I love about travelling. It’s the people you meet that will change you, more than simply the places you visit.

So here goes. First up, we have Fernando Pacheco. Continue reading →

Racism in the UK

/ Dan Hackett / Leave a comment

I’ve been unable to write for days, because I’ve been despairing at the news surrounding Britain, and I know I’m not alone. Whichever way you voted, it has been a dark few months for our nation. We’ve torn ourselves apart, and brought shame upon ourselves. Let’s get some pride back, not just as a nation but as a people. You can play this song while you read, if you like.

Continue reading →

UK Slang Lessons

/ Dan Hackett / Leave a comment

If you’ve read any of my posts, you’ll probably have realised I’m from England. I know we have some odd phrases here in Blighty, so I’m going to try and explain some of the phrases I have previously peppered my writing with. Right, let’s get on with. In at the deep end…

Bugger: to bugger someone would mean sodomy… although bizarrely this is used by Brits all the time, even by little old ladies sipping cups of tea.

Bum: to bugger

Chin: to punch

Knob: a penis

Knob head: an insult used to insinuate that the person to which you are referring does in fact have a penis upon their forehead. Can be used equally in the middle of a furious argument, or as a greeting between friends

Chav: these enterprising young raconteurs:

Charver: a chav

Scally: a charver

Bloody: used in situations when it’s not quite cricket to say ‘fucking’

Not quite cricket: not okay

Getting on my wick: pissing me off

Fit: attractive. Kind of implies sexual desire. Don’t tell tell your parents/boss/the Queen that they look fit.

emilia

Just an excuse to have a photo of Emilia Clarke here. Sigh.

Lush: very attractive

knaresborough

A view can be lush. So can a person. A view can’t be fit, though. That’d be weird.

 

Bollocks: testes

Pissed off: angry

Pissed: drunk

Twatted: drunk

Arseholed: …drunk

Wank: to masturbate, or can be used as an adjective to mean something is crap, or naff.

Naff: crap, almost embarrassingly crap. Especially used when something is very uncool. The Eurovision song contest is naff, for example. Donald Trump’s hair is naff also.

Wankered: not to be confused with wank, to be wankered means – surprise surprise – to be drunk.

I’m (they are) off my (their) tits: I’m drunk (or on drugs)

Fuming: furious

Chum: pal

Nowt (North England only): pronounced to rhyme with ‘about’, it means ‘nothing’. Used only in spoken conversation. Example:

“What are you doing later?”

“Nowt, shall we do something?”

Owt (North England only): anything – the opposite of nowt.

Div: idiot

That concludes today’s lesson, you pack of divs. Now I’m proper bored of spending all day doing nowt and it’s doing my head in, so I’m off to get off my tits. Ta ta, now!