My first couple of nights in Lisbon were calm. I realised I’d been boozing for too many days on the trot, so I took a few nights off and spent several evenings lounging around and sipping mugs of tea like a wise old owl.
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Portugal | Straw Mouse
After camping, I headed with Seth and Blanche to Seth’s mum’s house. She lives in a tiny village inland – still technically the Algarve, but far far away from any tourists.
Continue readingPortugal | EELS?????
Okay so I intended to write every day of my trip, and then I just………… didn’t.
But hey, I have some time now, and I need to catch you up on everything that’s happened because – fuck me – it’s been very strange.
Continue readingPortugal | All The Usual Embarrassment
I woke up feeling fragile. In hot countries you dehydrate during the night, and I always wake up feeling like a dried mushroom, half-mad with anxiety.
Continue readingPortugal | Beach
After accidentally spunking a fat €50 on a beach towel, I went about my first full day in Portugal.
Continue readingPortugal | And Away We Go
On Tour with AK: Part 10 (The End)
“I think I’ve adapted to the roadie life, you know. Like my body has adjusted to just not really sleeping and being drunk all the time and eating crap. I feel like I could just keep going at this point.”
“I’ve got, like, three brain cells left, boys. And they’re all dancing a jig.”
“Yeah. I think that’s why I feel so happy.”
Continue readingOn Tour with AK: Part 9
“Yo, it’s Ani fockin’ Klang here spittin’ flows, come around here imma break your nose, bitches love me when I play my shows, I’m fly as hell and everybody knows.”
“Very nice.”
“Okay your turn.”
“Sorry?”
“Your turn. Spit some bars.”
“No, I don’t think so. Not my style.”
“Oh come on.”
“Where would I even begin?”
“Just start talking. Then make it rhyme.”
“Right. Okay. So like iambic pentameter or?”
“Jesus boys, no. Don’t overthink it. Go.”
“Alright. Ahem. YO, YO, MY NAME IS DAN, AND I’M A MAN AND I HAVE A PLAN. I’M GONNA GO TO THE SHOP TODAY, AND IM GONNA BUY SOME BLOODY HAY. FOR MY HORSE! BECAUSE HE’S HUNGRY AND-”
“Okay.”
“What?”
“Maybe… maybe keep working on it.”
Continue readingOn Tour with AK: Part 5
“How much longer?”
“Not much further now. Hang in there.”
“Mate, I don’t think I can.”
“Come on boys, it’s just up ahead.”
“But we’re not getting any closer. We’ve been walking for hours and it’s not getting any nearer. I can’t help but wonder: could we have died? Maybe on the train yesterday? What if it crashed, and this is purgatory – just us here, with Budgens on the horizon, forever and ever and ever.”
“No dingus, we haven’t died.”
“But it’s getting further away with each step we take. I’m freaking out. I’m freaking out.”
“Look, it’s fine, we’ll be there in about ten sec-”
“HHHHAAAAAAUUUUUAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!”
Continue readingOn Tour with AK: Part 2
“Okay okay okay. Let’s try again. You sing the high notes, and I’ll sing the low.”
“Wait I thought you were the high notes.”
“That’s what I just said dude. I sing the high ones, and you take Mark’s part.”
“Oh right. Yeah that makes sense.”
“Okay. Here we go.”
“Fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer.”
“Place your hand in mine, I’ll leave when I wanna.”
“No wait, you just sang the same notes I did. We’re meant to be harmonising.”
“Okay. Yes. Got it. So who does the high notes again?”
“Dude.”
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