Good day everyone, today’s diary entry comes in the form of a militarised report, for absolutely no reason at all other than I thought it would be a bit different, and this is my site and my word is LAW.
NIGHTTIME ACTIVITY REPORT AGENT NAME: DAN HACKETT RANK: WASTEMAN LOCATION: KREUZBERG, BERLIN DATE: 25/11/16
LOG ENTRY 21:15 GMT+1 >>
U BAHN TO DAVE’S. FED AND WATERED IN THE FORM OF MULLED WINE AND PAELLA, SUPPLIED BY DAVE’S HOUSEMATE.
LOG ENTRY 22:30 GMT+1 >>
COMMENCE WATCHING FILM CALLED ‘VICTORIA’ ON DAVE’S LAPTOP. FILM ACKNOWLEDGED AS ‘GOOD’ BY BOTH PARTIES.
LOG ENTRY 23:05 GMT+1>>
FILM ‘VICTORIA’ IS RESTARTED DUE TO DAVE WANTING TO SHOW HIS FLATMATES HOW GOOD IT IS. SIT THROUGH INTRO SEQUENCE AGAIN. DAVE’S FLATMATES LEAVE AND WE CARRY ON WATCHING, NOW HAVING SEEN A QUARTER OF THE FILM TWICE.
LOG ENTRY 23:14 GMT+1>>
MESSAGE SENT TO VICTORIA IN AN EFFORT TO FIND HER LOCATION WITHIN THE CITY. NO REPLY. 1 LITRE MULLED WINE INGESTED. GIN NOW BEING POURED.
LOG ENTRY 00:08 GMT+1>>
VICTORIA REPLIES VIA ELECTRONIC MESSAGE. SHE IS AT HER FLAT.
LOG ENTRY 00:50 GMT+1>>
LEAVE DAVE’S FOR THE U BAHN TO VICTORIA’S FLAT. MISS THE ENDING TO THE FILM.
LOG ENTRY 01:20 GMT+1>>
ARRIVE AT VICTORIA’S FLAT. MEET HER FRIENDS, DAN AND SOPHIE. THEY ARE COOL. DRINK AND LISTEN TO MUSIC. THEY HAVE ALL READ MY UNILAD ARTICLE, DESPITE NEVER HAVING MET ME. I AM FLATTERED.
LOG ENTRY 02:45 GMT+1>>
LEAVE VICTORIA’S FLAT AND MOUNT THE U BAHN WITHOUT TICKETS.
LOG ENTRY 02:58 GMT+1>>
WHILE RIDING ESCALATOR, LOUDLY COMPLAIN THAT I WANT A CIGARETTE. UNKNOWN CIVILIAN OFFERS CIGARETTES. WE ACCEPT. IT THEN BECOMES EVIDENT HE IS A DRUG DEALER. WE ACCEPT.
LOG ENTRY 03:05 GMT+1>>
PURCHASE ROAD BEERS FROM THE SPÄTI. WALK PAST COME BACKPACKERS SEVERAL BLOCKS, TO THE GIANT SQUAT, KÖPI. NARCOTICS INGESTED OUTSIDE.
LOG ENTRY 03:10 GMT+1>>
ENTER KÖPI. I HAVE BEEN BEFORE AND AM USED TO THE SURROUNDINGS. DAN, VIC AND SOPHIE IMPRESSED AND SLIGHTLY UNNERVED. A MAN DRESSED LIKE SID VICIOUS CLIMBS ONTO THE CEILING, DANGLES OFF, AND JUMPS INTO A CROWD OF PUNKS.
LOG ENTRY 03:30 GMT+1>>
ATTEMPT TO SPEAK TO PARTICULARLY COOL LOOKING PUNK. HE COMPLETELY BLANKS ME, EVEN WHEN I SAY I ADMIRE HIS STYLE AND LIFESTYLE. HE IS A PRICK. I ABANDON MY ATTEMPT TO MAKE A PUNK FRIEND. FUCK THAT GUY.
LOG ENTRY 03:36 GMT+1>>
I AM STILL SAD THE PUNK DIDN’T WANT TO BE FRIENDS. HE IS SITTING A FEW METRES AWAY CHATTING HAPPILY TO FELLOW PUNKS. I AM SORRY I AM NOT PUNK ENOUGH.
LOG ENTRY 03:45 GMT+1>>
EXIT KÖPI. SOPHIE ATTEMPTS A PHOTOGRAPH BUT IS SHOUTED AT BY PUNKS. WE LEAVE IN DISGRACE. NARCOTICS IN FULL SWING. DAN DOESN’T REMEMBER WHO VICTORIA IS.
LOG ENTRY 04:01 GMT+1>>
ENTER ‘ROSES’ GAY BAR, WHERE I INEXPLICABLY ALWAYS END UP. IT HAS FLUFFY PINK WALLS. I STAND AND STROKE THE WALL FOR SEVERAL MINUTES. EVENTUALLY MOVE UP TO NUZZLING MY CHEEK ON IT.
LOG ENTRY 04:20 (BLAZE IT) GMT+1>>
DAN DOESN’T KNOW WHICH WAY IS UP. HE MEETS A MIDDLE AGED AMERICAN MAN. THEY BEGIN KISSING.
LOG ENTRY 04:30 GMT+1>>
THEY ARE STILL KISSING.
LOG ENTRY 04:36 GMT+1>>
THEY ARE STILL KISSING. WE DECIDE TO LEAVE DAN AND HEAD HOME.
LOG ENTRY 05:26 GMT+1>>
ARRIVE BACK AT VICTORIA’S FLAT ON FOOT, HAVING WALKED BACK THROUGH SHADY GORLITZER PARK AKA THE PARK OF A THOUSAND DEALERS.
LOG ENTRY 06:04 GMT+1>>
SLEEP ON THE SOFA. VERY COMFORTABLE.
DATE: 26/11/16 LOG ENTRY 10:15 GMT+1>>
DOORBELL RINGS. WAKES THE FLAT. IT IS DAN. HE SLEPT WITH THE MAN. HE IS FULL OF SHAME AND FEELS VERY POORLY.
NIGHT OUT VERDICT: DEFEAT